3 Things To Add To Your Dating Profile For Better Matches


As a dating coach, I work with type-A, motivated millennials — the people who grew up getting praise for grades, good behavior or athletic performance — in short, pursuing “perfect.” For these folks, facing the potential for rejection, even in the form of the lack of matches on the dating appscan be really scary because it puts their self-worth at risk.

Let’s face it: dating is vulnerable. When we are putting ourselves out there, there is an opportunity for rejection and failure. (And if you feel like you can date without risk of rejection, you’re probably not putting yourself out there emotionally!) So, we try to predict exactly how we’ll be perceived and adjust our profiles accordingly in hopes of reducing our number of rejections. But we’re missing the point. While it feels good at the moment, having more matches doesn’t necessarily mean we find our person, especially if they’re only saying yes to the curated, “perfect” profile version of us.

Stories of finding love while changing how we’re perceived are all over pop culture—Cinderella, Mulan, She’s the Man, John Tucker Must Die, Younger, and so many more — so it’s no wonder we think this tactic works. But when we try to craft the profile that we think others will like by exaggerating how much we like football or adjusting our height, we’re both hinting to ourselves that who we are authentically isn’t fully acceptable and, through our subtle masquerading, making us harder to spot by the people who would like the authentic us.

The great news: if we show up authentically (on the apps and in real life) and someone likes us, we know up front they like us for who we actually are. No charades required.

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